You want to have friendships in college or maybe you do, but they might come with some extra drama or some other challenges. You may struggle to handle conflict in relationships, speak up for yourself, or know when to set boundaries.
College is one of those unique times when you are surrounded by people your age constantly and it can be challenging to always get along with those friends. All the television shows make it seem easy and effortless to have a close group of friends, but how do you manage it?
1: Be There For Your Friends
Part of having a friend is being a friend. If your friend knows that you will show up, be consistent, and be there for them, they are likely to do the same. In college, this may mean attending their dance showcase, going to their honors ceremony, or just remembering that they had a tough test and sending them a text message wishing them good luck.
It is important to make sure if you say you will show up, you do your very best to show up. No one likes a flaky friend or someone they aren’t certain if they will show up or be there for them.
2: Invite People And Make Plans To Have Healthy Friendships
Part of having good friendships is making sure to reach out and make plans when possible. This could be simply inviting someone to the dining hall, finding a fun event on campus and reaching out to a friend, or asking someone to walk to the vending machine with you between classes. The more you invite people and make plans, the more your friends feel included. People like a friend who makes plans and keeps people engaged. If you struggle with social anxiety and trying to make friends, click here.
3: Be A Good Communicator
Communication is an important part of relationships, particularly our verbal and nonverbal skills.
Communication is also a skill that takes a lot of practice and learning, it isn’t necessarily caught, but it can be taught.
Think about some of your friends who are great listeners and communicators. What are some of the things they do in conversations? Do they lean in, uncross their arms, or smile? Are they good at reflecting what you say or helping identify their feelings? Do they ask related questions and try to follow up?
Start noticing what others do in friendships or in relationships that makes you feel comfortable opening up and wanting to be around them. You can also search online for good listening or communication skills and work on practicing those in conversations.
4: Maintain Balance Between Friendships
One important part of college is to maintain balance between friendships. Be careful making one friendship or one friend group your everything. We are designed to need different friend groups and different people for different things. College is good for exploring hobbies, friendships, or having new opportunities to really discover yourself.
In college you see the same people a lot and it can be easy to spend too much time with certain people which could trigger resentments, frustrations, or needing extra boundaries versus having time apart and really enjoying that time together when you see them.
5: Take Care Of Yourself In College
College is a great time to find balance in your life between academics, friendship, and self-care. Take advantage of opportunities to grow and get to know yourself and have that balance. College often has options for exploring fitness and staying active, for working on mental health and what self-care looks like to you, and what hobbies you enjoy exploring with friends and exploring solo. Part of building stronger friendships also comes with knowing how to take care of yourself and what you need. To work on building better mental health and succeed in your new semester or with finals, click here or here.
Having good friendships is a core part of life and especially in college with being away from family. By learning to communicate better, maintaining the balance between friendships, and trying to take care of yourself–hopefully, you can find these friendships and continue to grow them.
For help with making and growing friendships, adjusting to college, or more–reach out today for therapy at 757-296-8794.
Mary Willoughby Prentiss is a licensed professional counselor in the state of Virginia who provides online therapy for Willow Tree Healing Center. She enjoys transforming the lives of women, college students, kids, tweens/teens, and families through providing communication strategies, coping skills that work, allowing a safe space to be heard, and actively working towards helping you with your challenges. She is certified in Parent-Child Interaction Therapy (ages 2-7) and Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, counsels substance abuse in teens and adults, and practices Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy.
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